Online Shopping Overwhelms Me

Since lockdown, online shopping has become the only way I buy things. Except, I hate it and I desperately want to stop.

Due to my personal circumstances, shopping in person is still out of the question. (One of my loved ones still has to shield, and I want to protect them as best as I can.) So, I've spent nearly five years exclusively purchasing everything online. And it's quite frankly driving me mad - but more on that later...

"Whatever I buy, it's never enough. I'm always chasing that buyer's high."

Going back to my childhood, I loved shopping even back then. Instead of popping my pocket money in my piggy bank, on a Saturday morning I'd gleefully hop to one of my favourite toy shops, or Woollies, with my crisp five pound note in hand ready to spend on something new: A Beanie Baby I'd had my eye on, a toy car, some Pokémon cards, or one of those weird alien things in jelly that was supposed to have babies, but unsurprisingly never did. Whatever it was, I'd be excited to have a shiny new thing to take home with me and spend all of Saturday afternoon playing with. 

That pretty much sums up my relationship with shopping and money.

I like shiny new things.

And money gets you said shiny new things. So, whenever I got money, I spent it on shiny new things.

Even having to work in crappy jobs for crappy pay didn't teach me the value of money very well. It was hard, and I hated it, but the shiny new things were what made life more bearable. 

No matter how well (or badly) my life has gone, it's punctuated by what I've purchased. Big things, like cars. (Always second hand, I'm not made of money...) Exciting things, like cameras and handbags. Little things, like stationery, or toys for my dog that I know he'll love. Whatever I buy, it's never enough. I'm always chasing that buyer's high.

And, despite all the heavy doses of buyer's remorse I've been laden with over the years, I never learn to put the debit card down and just breathe.

"It's a mammoth task just trying to keep your hard earned cash in your bank account these days."

During lockdown, I really had to sort my finances out. I was in a bit of a mess, and I worked incredibly hard to sort everything out and build my savings right back up again. 

And yet, lately, I've been undoing all of my hard work, bit by bit. Order by order. Click by click. 

I've been panic buying presents for birthdays that are nearly a year away. I panic bought all of my Christmas presents for everyone (even down to my hamster) by September. As for Mothers' Day? Sorted. Father's Day? I'm on it. 

I've been trying desperately to curtail my spending over the past few months, and yet, the more I try and stop myself from spending, the more money I spend. How does that make sense? I've bought one of those money binder things, and a cash tin - vowing to use cash more to hold myself accountable and keep track of my money more easily; which, granted, is quite hard when you're not going into a physical shop. 

The thought of any upcoming No Spend makes me panic buy even more crap I don't really need. More storage baskets? (It's getting so bad that I think I'll need a storage basket for all of my storage baskets soon...) More dog grooming gear? More pens? (When I already have enough to stock a stationery shop.)

The best I've managed lately is ten days without a non-essential purchase. And that was hard, believe me.

And I can do it. I did go long periods without spending money in lockdown, and survived - but it was quite depressing without the dopamine hits of shiny new things landing on the doorstep every other day to punctuate the miserable and fearful atmosphere we were living through.

And this is the thing, shopping gives us dopamine.

So, we buy more, to get more dopamine. And then we buy more. And more. And more. And we end up in this insane cycle of buying just for the dopamine and justifying our silly purchases badly.

Newer online shopping platforms like Shein and Temu have only exacerbated this. They are the epitome of buying meaningless crap we don't need, and trying to convince ourselves that these super-cheap items are for an essential need - or will be in the future. 

And I'm guilty of that. I did four or five orders on Shein before I did the research I should've done beforehand. And one on Temu as well. Which I'm frankly not proud of. 

But these platforms are so cheap, and we are in the midst of a cost of living crisis. Is it any wonder they've surged across the West? I can't be the only one who's convinced themselves that they truly need a heated coaster or a desk hoover, can I?

 Why online shopping overwhelms me (and drives me mad)

And yes, I'm clearly buying so much stuff because I'm not really that content at the moment. Buying is an easy way to deal with those uncomfortable feelings and worries and fears. It's a temporary relief, and sometimes, we trick ourselves into thinking that purchasing a particular thing is one step towards the person we want to become. Except, it never really is, is it? It's all just an illusion that we fall for.

Our current shopping habits are not good for the environment, they're not good for our pockets, and they're not good for us in general. And yet, we fall into this trap of spending for the sake of spending.

And the thing is, Shein and Temu, in particular, make me panic buy way more than I intended, just because of that sheer overwhelm. 

Most online marketplaces are starting to do this to me now. Amazon winds me up, because of the amount of the same product you have to sift through to find the best product for the best price. Etsy is another place. I go for gifts and end up chucking loads of things in my basket, some of which I realise is cheap, imported stuff from Shein/Temu and repackaged by some cheeky seller as 'handmade', for sale at ten times the price they got it for. The rise of online marketplaces lead us to struggle to find what we're looking for, without falling into the trap of spending too much because we've had our heads turned.

Restraint clearly isn't my strong suit. And shops prey on those of us who struggle with our self-control in this way. (And, please, don't get me started on Black Friday...Even I know it's wise to sit that one out each year.)

Basically, I think I'm so sick of online shopping, I need to stop entirely for a bit, no matter how impractical that may be.

It all overwhelms me: the choice, the abundance, the addictive nature of it. It's all too much for this old shopaholic. (Not something I ever thought I'd say.)

Shopping online leads me to feeling overwhelmed and overloaded because I'm trying not to spend too much money, but I also want all the shiny new things. This tug of war causes me to feel immensely stressed out, and therefore, it takes the joy out of shopping. What was once so much fun (in store, especially) has turned into a chore.

Let's face it, it's a mammoth task just trying to keep your hard earned cash in your bank account these days.

I don't know what the answer is. But I do know that I need to probably get off the Internet and cut my debit card up...